These two are the characters you will see most often in "Faces." Get used to them. When I first drew them back in elementary school, I called them each "Face-O." Original, huh? For the sake of this comic, however, they do not and will never have names. The only difference between them is that one is generally optimistic while the other is very pessimistic. In truth, I don't even know which is which. These two are also the characters who most frequently break The Fourth Wall and insult God for their situation (God being the artist, me).

The resident floozie of "Faces," Easy Betty is as close to a prostitute as any woman would likely want to strive for. Though not unforgivably dumb, Easy Betty is not the brightest cast member. She can be manipulative and charming, and has absolutely no sense of personal shame, which fuels her promiscuous deeds. She can be a bitch when cornered and is also innocently oblivious to the world outside of the comic strip.

Meet the pompous and foreign face that is Philipo. He prides himself for his mustache and his heritage, which he claims to be Italian (but nobody knows for sure, hence nobody cares). Though he can seem conceited and boring, Philipo might just harbor some hidden talents that he'll reveal when the time is prime. Oh, and he's also Easy Betty's pimp. A Face has to make a living somehow.

The take-no-prisoners female rights activist of "Faces," Ruth is passionate and scathing. She abhors male leadership, male-made products, male genitalia -- basically male anything. Though no other characters feel that women are being misrepresented in the strip, Ruth feels chauvinistic enough to lead the fight against "The Modern Male Monarchy." She is dead-set in her practices, has formed a feminist movement group (V.A.G.I.N.A.S. -- Comic #31), and sports a trendy "Screw The Males" nose ring.

Labeled and outcast, Dennis hoped to find comradery and acceptance in the "Faces" world. What a crock. This freak tends to be chastised and disrespected by just about every other face. The Cyclops has, on rare extra-depressed occasions, begged of God to change his life for the better. So far, I have not responded. Dennis is a hermaphrodite, tends to be accidentally funny, and always seems to be caught in the middle of awkward social situations.

Though not staple characters, Mr. S and Count Count are nonetheless odd and original. Mr. S has the ability to shape-shift into any popular culture or minority archetype at whim. Count Count can morph into any monster at whim. Why? Just go with it, okay? These two usually appear together: one simply complements the other, like a somewhat disturbing match of PB&J. They will show up whenever God thinks of a strange combination of monster and stereotype, one which He believes will get some laughs.

Not much is known about La Grange's history. The Faces do know that he was, and still remains, a hippie at heart. He was alive for The Summer of Love, diggs classic rock, and has taken enough psychedelics to make Hendrix jealous. La Grange has a sunny attitute and is the closest thing to a father figure any of the Faces have. So they ask the old tripper for advice. Hilarity often ensues.

Dos Equis is, by far, God's favorite Face. He's a sarcastic zombie who is never above telling the other Faces that they're wrong. But brains are his fortune and his curse: he needs to eat them, too. Every blue moon, Dos might knaw on a fellow character, but he means well. He's also somewhat of a romantic, even though he reeks of the undead. And if you don't get the pun in his name...ask your Spanish teacher.

The only true thug Face, M.C. Lollipop belongs to an underground gang known as The Milton Bradleys. He and his crew play board games "on the street" and square against their rivals The Hiz-Az-Broz. Lolli sports an uzi, a permanent black eye, and weaknesses for women, violence, and Scrabble.

An official employee of The Union of Heaven, God's Mailman delivers bad, demeaning, and otherwise foul mail to the Faces straight from God (the artist) Himself. No Face is sure if he has a true name, or even any hobbies, but they know that when G arrives, God's brewing something un-nice up. And yes, that's a wing on his hat.

An exchange student from India (maybe), Shari is bubbly, perky, and sweet. She's a complete flirt but knows how to stick up for herself. Shari might try to convert other Faces to her Hindu ways and would like nothing more than to punch Philipo in the jaw. She is currently single.

The empty space existing outside the safety of the Faces' comic world. Sometimes The Abyss is a place of banishment; other times it is a welcome relief and goal; and sometimes still it is a place for God's underdeveloped ideas. It also turns the Faces "negative" when they touch it. Is The Abyss technically a character? No. Don't be silly.

The only landmark in the Faces' intangible setting, The Wall has an almost cult-like following. Less educated characters see it as God in physical form, but most just see it as an eyesore. Some have even fallen prey to its seductive siren call. Is it an object of good, of evil, or simply a boring, massive slab of brick? Does anyone care?